Influence

So how do you do it?

The philosophy outlined in the previous post always sounds good in theory, but how do you actually do it?  How do you get someone to care about what you feel is important?

Here are 3 tips.

1.  Find out what is important to the other person.

When people feel understood and listened to, they are given a fresh breath of ‘psychological’ air.  They get the feeling that you are on their side, that you can relate to where they’re coming from, that you care.  But here’s the key point: you do have to really care.  You can’t just manipulate them with saying the right words, they’ll smell it, they’ll find out, it won’t work.  You have to show that you truly care about what is important to that other person. 

2.  Support others in acheiving their goals.

Do whatever you can to help people accomplish what they trying to do.  Go out of your way to do something that will be appreciated.  Add value to their efforts.  Spread the word about their efforts.  Give an encouraging word and sincere appreciation.  Again, it must be a sincere effort, something you do willingly because you want them to succeed, not because you expect something in return.

3.  Share what you care about.

Talk about what is important to you, in an honest and sincere way.  Don’t tell people why they should change, share how it has affected you personally.  Be truthful and honest.  Make sure your words and actions are congruent and that your integrity is clearly apparent. 

Then let people choose.

When people fundamentally share the same deep down beliefs and goals, they are willing to work together to accomplish great things.  When you follow these tips, you are connecting with people at a deeper level that allows real synergy for working together.  If people choose not to connect with you, or accept your help, or share the same fundamental beliefs, then maybe you don’t need them to.  You can’t force others to care about what you feel is important.  So don’t even try it, you’ll damage the relationship, making it even more impossible to have any influence in the future.

I’ve learned these concepts from various sources and experience, which I’m sure you can also relate to and validate, but these specific tips were articulated perfectly by Dick Axelrod in his ebook, so I just had to share them.